Day 98, you say? Pish. It can’t be, it was only day 5 yesterday, I swear!
I wanted to write a little bit tonight about my 100 Day Project. Before I began it, I was creatively blocked almost all of the time. Most things I attempted were abandoned (unfinished) before being secretly and shamefully binned. I was both frustrated, bored and scared all at the same time, the same negative thoughts wearing a familiar tread around my head again and again.
A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with an anxiety problem. This wasn’t really news to me, as feeling anxious even in risk-free situations is something that has been with me for longer than I can remember. After finishing the questionnaire, my kindly old doctor sat back in his chair, and gave a low whistle. “And you feel like this all the time?” he asked me, eyebrows raised, looking for all the world like a startled owl. It sticks with me because this was the first time it dawned on me that how I was feeling wasn’t right. I won’t say it wasn’t ‘normal’ because all emotions are normal in their time and place, but that it wasn’t right to feel that way all the time. His kindness, and willingness to listen put my feet on the path that day, the path that led to this challenge.
To begin with, overcoming the irrational palpitations that accompanied creating was my focus. To start, create, and finish – irrespective of outcome – was my goal. And once I began to do this, it was like knocking down a dam. All these ideas, and wants started to flood out.
I will admit that in the latter part of my challenge, it’s not been one-project-one-day like it was to begin with, but this has been for a number of reasons. Not least of all that the latter half of the year for me is always busy, but also that I’ve grown beyond the 1 hour sews, or casual knits. I’ve begun to tackle more advanced, time-consuming projects that I never would have attempted before.
Creating, making, and doing, has become part of the furniture of my life again. It’s second-nature now to come home and get stuck in, no more pontificating and procrastinating. I don’t hide behind excuses of “not good enough” because the moment I walk in my front door, I’m surrounded by completed makes. And they ARE good enough. Good enough for vistors to compliment me on, good enough to take commissions, good enough to generate wide smiles from everyone I show.
It’s been a journey, and I refuse to be one of those bloggers who only shows you the prettiest side of things, I’ll freely admit there are days where I just don’t *want* to make things. The graphic quoted by the 100 Day Project at the start has really proven itself true for me.
Just show up. Keep showing up, good day or bad day, and eventually the muse will show up too.
I do also want to say thank you to you, reader, too. To begin with, this was just a record, a way to keep myself honest while climbing my personal everest. I didn’t expect to find such a community, with warm and welcoming people, who were supportive, funny, witty and far more than I could ever have hoped for. That’s you, and I think you’re awesome. Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.
It’s been covered, and discussed, and decried by people better equipped than I, but I didn’t feel like I could write this post tonight without mentioning the events in Paris. Firstly, the acts themselves roused a hot, coppery-tasting anger in me, and then I was filled with broken-hearted sadness at the ignorance, racism and selfishness that the news coverage exposed in people I knew. I’m not religious. I won’t just pray for Paris, I’ll pray for the world. For Baghdad, for Beirut, for Cameroon, and everywhere where there are innocents suffering for the selfish few. I’ll pray for the whole of humanity. Paris will always be the City of Light for me, a place of life, and love, and champagne. Vive La France.